The Nissan Versa: A Typical Review


“Yeah… no…, yes Abdul, I know, it’s the cheapest car in the US, but I’m simply telling you right now, it’s just a box on wheels…. You want how much? 400 word review? *chuckle* Alright, you know best.”

 

So, ladies and gentlemen. The Nissan Versa/Sunny. Been a lovely day, hasn’t it eh? Finally, a clearing sky of all of the world’s rain pouring down. Fascinating, because earlier during that time I was in school, learning about logarithms and such *phone rings*, oh, hang on.

 

“Yeah?” You want 400 words on the car? Well that’ll be the dreariest thing on this page! *screaming from phone*Alright, I’ll get on with it.”

 

So, here it is, the sedan version of an old car but we still buy these anyway. Umm… Mind you, it does come with a sun visor. Umm…

 

Oh, engines. That’ll be a start. Uh… you get a choice of 3 engines. From a 1.2 3-cylinder like in this test car too a 1.6… um… *phone rings*

 

“Right, good idea, I’ll have a sit in it like we always do, I mean we always do that.”

 

Honestly, don’t misunderstand me, the problem with the Nissan Versa is that you can’t really say anything about it no matter how hard you try, I mean, it’s just a car. I highly doubt people are going to yearn for the day they finally own one.

 

Come to a set of lights? Well, the stop/start system is worth a mention, because for some utterly random reason, when the engine is stopped, it blows rather hot air into the cabin. It won’t be long before you feel like you’ve just set fire to the car at a set of lights.

 

What else… um… well it’s got a sun visor. Oh wait, I’ve done that. Um… oh yes, the gearbox.

 

I mean, while you do have the option of a 5 speed manual, some of us would be buying the CVT, though I should warn you, it will sound as if a you’d just strapped a bee, desperately trying to fly away under the hood.

 

What else… erm… Great door handles….. um….

I really have run out of things to say. Uh… How are we doing? 360 ish?

 

Right, the conclusion. If you really want a cheap car, buy one used. You’ll end up with something better than the cheapest car in the US, because it’s really dreary.Only if you want to lose all of your sanity, then you buy this abysmally melted and ever so dreary Versa with a microscopic engine.

 

Final review score: 2/10.

 

What a heap of sh*t.

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